Bollywood movies are nuts. Plain bizarre. And to the untrained westerner watching, one can lead to utter confusion. Just when you least expect it the villain will break into song, all while sword-fighting a chopper with one hand and groping a hottie with the other. The heroes are suave, with a penchant for sunglasses, the heroines are usually drop dead… but they NEVER get it on! Well, not really… and if they do the “intimate moment” is replaced by a blossoming flower, or a train going through a tunnel. Oh, and did we mention it’s mostly all spoken through the power of song? And dance, don’t forget the dance. Bollywood formula = boy loves girl, girl is supposed to marry someone else, boy wins her over. Add to that illicit gazes, some wild midgets dancing, a chorus of beauties singing and the odd extreme (comic) fight scene and you’ve got yourself a blockbuster. Totally insane. While ‘Bollywood’ might strictly refer to movies from Mumbai, the Indian film industry comes with more lunacy than can safely be contained in one city – so we’ve widened our scope. However, to whittle it down to 10 was a toughie, and we fully expect some whining, but well… who cares?
If you want ‘out there’ Indian dancing then this is the movie for you. The plot’s more than a little screwed up: Tania can’t recognize the man she’s been sneaking to dance classes with is actually her quiet, subdued husband…
How stupid is Tania? It’s like when Lois Lane doesn’t get that the man she’s lusting after (aka Superman) is actually her buddy Clark Kent. Other than that there’s plenty of blinging dance routines, and – as per usual – if you’re wearing sunglasses then you’re cool. Totally Bollywood-tastic!
9. Chupke Chupke
Still mega funny even though it’s over 30 years old now. Shot in 1975, this slapstick Indian comedy is a popular family favorite. Deception, drama, decent dance routines and high pitched singing are the norm in this beloved Bollywood movie. Check out the 70s outfits.
8. 3 Idiots
An odd Bollywood comedy which did rather well for itself. The gist of it is that three (idiotic) room-mates all live together in a well-to-do engineering college and they get up to no good. But the best bit is the inventions. You can watch one of them deliver a baby using a makeshift vacuum, drive a cycle-based horse shaver and use a pedal-driven washing machine – whilst jiggling his arms around and singing along gaily.
7. Hum Aapke Hain Kaun…!
Over the top, lavish, extravagant, and unrestrained. This 1994 remake has got it all. Total Bollywood and just the 14 songs to sit through! It didn’t break the bank to make – but went on to be one of the all time highest grossing Indian films. Which was nice.
6. Pennin Manathai Thottu
It’s not so much the movie as one song from it that makes this entry stand out. “Kalluri Vaanil” became an instant internet hit mainly because of Prabhu Deva’s twinkle toes and wriggly shoulders.
5. Kiran Bedi
Kiran Bedi is about a woman who head-butts people… sort of. Kiran Bedi is a policewoman who patrols the mean streets of Bangalore and beats up burly villains. All a little far fetched, but loosely based on a true story. Watch this scene and try not to judge her tragic hairstyle: when you use your head as a weapon there’s little time for gel.
4. Janwar (the one from 1965)
Just when you think you’ve seen it all – you stumble across a 60s Bollywood Beatles tribute scene. Highly entertaining – and arguably better than the real thing. Apart from the fact that it’s your bog standard story of love, marriage, inappropriate partners and angry, disapproving fathers with some musical numbers thrown in.
3. Magadheera
This has been described as the Indian version of Die Hard – so basically it’s a cheesy, action-heavy, plotless movie where the main man tries to have a sword fight with a chopper (not that we can remember Bruce Willis ever doing the latter). But – the fight scenes are enough to land this bad-ass creation into my top 10. Watch and learn Bruce.
2. Alluda Majaka
Possibly the best chase scene in any movie EVER! Except for the animal cruelty issue. This 1995 classic from Devi Vara Prasad is a smutty, controversial, mother-in-law bashing delight. It features jumping Jeeps, balls of steel and horse sliding. But, agreed, that does make you cringe a bit. Starring Chiranjeevi as Mr Toyoda, it’s a totally over the top musical action feast. Someone gets married every five minutes (to yet another song) and then they all threaten to burn themselves because of a coconut. Yes, you heard right. It’s got it all.
1. Endhiran (The Robot)
One of India’s most expensive films to date ($32m), starring aging super star Rajinikanth. People go nuts for this guy – even praying to life size cutouts of the man, and his bouffant. If you think of all the most extreme bits of The Matrix, iRobot, Star Wars….err, any other sci-fi, film, and then double it and add some singing… then you’re almost there with how over the top this movie is…
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