Monday, December 13, 2010

The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Get Out of My Kool Aid!

On The Real Housewives of Atlanta this week, the women seemed more delusional than ever. And that's saying A LOT, we know.
Come along with our THG intern as she review the latest installment of this ridiculous Bravo series...
Delusion seemed to be wafting in the air this week in Atlanta!  Sheree went to see Ladyboy Lawrence after hours in his salon to get her hair done a la Diana Ross.  While getting coiffed she gets a call from The People Store, the premier talent agency in Atlanta, where she recently auditioned.
She's landed an agent.  She's also accepted a small part in a local play called "Child Support Man." Broadway, here she comes!
Making Like Diana Ross
Kim met with Mitchell, a choreographer Kandi set her up with, to rehearse her dance moves for her upcoming tour.  Kim claims to have 16 years of dance experience, but it's not apparent from the geriatric moves she's putting out on the floor. 
She also claims to be a better dancer than a singer.  With Kim's attention span the size of a flea's ass, how she even manages to put one leg in front of the other to walk is an accomplishment in itself.
Getting ready to finally mail out her wedding invitations, Cynthia chats with sister, Maloria, about how stressed life is becoming for her.  Not only because of the impending wedding but because 50-year-old Peter and Nene are just not getting along.
50-year-old Peter walks in and when confronted by Cynthia about his recent blow-up with Nene, claiming not to know what she's talking about.  Can it be that 50-year-old Peter is jealous of Cynthia's relationship with Nene?  Cynthia begs him to get along with Nene.  For the sake of everyone's sanity, listen to her Prickly Pete!
Dwight drops by Phaedra's to check out the baby, but more importantly to dish about Cynthia and Kim. Looking like a white-chocolate dipped Mad Hatter, Dwight informs Phaedra that not only did the due date of Aydan's arrival come into question again, but that her unborn child was referred to as an alien. 
Oh, that Dwight, full of nothing but bon mots and good cheer.  Phaedra wants to know why Cynthia is "all up in her Kool-Aid" and what exactly qualifies Kim to be called a "head nurse.  Stripping at the Cheetah House in costume certainly does not.  Rising above it all and refusing to respond to the criticism, Phaedra's too high class to bother with such nonsense.
Laser Zapping
Kandi stops by Sheree's to help her run lines for "Child Support Man" and they both end up relating to the play.  Kandi wonders how it is that Sheree got no child support from Bob Whitfield, while Sheree asks Kandi about her situation. 
Kandi thinks Sheree's going to do really well in the play, but informs Sheree that she won't be able to attend since she has prior committments.
Kim invites the ladies over to try out her new laser-sculpting "exercise" equipment. Why sweat your fat away when you can just laser it off while scarfing down a pizza and some chicken strips? 
Cynthia lures Nene to the kitchen with the premise of wanting to talk about the recent battle between 50-year-old Peter and Nene.  Nene wants no drama, but agrees to chat.  Cynthia lets Nene know she was just giving her space and meant no harm.  She gives Nene a candle and pulls out a "friend contract" for Nene to sign.  Single Black Female anyone?  Nene signs it, desperate to get away from Cynthia's insanity.
Sheree's stage debut in "Child Support Man" draws a big crowd at The Soul Factory. Hoping Nene and 50-year-old Peter can contain themselves, Sheree has noticed that Nene's a little flirty with 50-year-old Peter.  Maybe that tension between them is about something else? 
Nene and Phaedra are in the crowd, bored out of their minds, waiting for Sheree's appearance.  When she finally hits the stage, it's more like a cameo. Cynthia is not impressed judging by her "It's a long way from the chitlin circuit to Broadway" comment.  Amen.  But Sheree is ready for a standing ovation afterwards.  She's also ready to move into film.
NeNe Smoking
Phaedra confronts Cynthia after the play about the whole alien baby comment thing and Cynthia tells Phaedra to check her sources.  That damn Dwight... always stirring the pot! 
Meanwhile, 50-year-old Prickly Peter apologizes to Nene for his recent blow-up and explains that's he's just a little bothered by the constant phone calls between her and Cynthia.  It's called having a BFF, Prickly Pete.  Look into it.
Nene and Kim have lunch where they discuss Cynthia's "friend contract."  Kim thinks Cynthia's a loon and should focus on her upcoming marriage to Prickly Pete instead of worrying about Nene so much.  Could Cynthia possible be "into" Nene? 
Nene doesn't think so and, even if she was, Nene's strictly dickly.  Kim's shocked when Nene reveals she's okay with Gregg moving out if it comes to that and even more shocked when Nene says she's open to dating a white guy.  Kim mentions dating 25-year-old Kroy Biermann and how he's revived her va-jay-jay. Maybe Nene should give it a shot.
Oh, Kim, that's crazy talk!

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